Sunday, February 25, 2007

What is happiness and how the hell do I get a slice of it?

A rather belated Happy New Year to you all! Year of the Pig this year, supposed to be a good one for us dragons. Good, just what I like to hear! I will be hugely successful; everything will fall into place and feel as if I have actually done something with my life. Hmmm, may have read into that a bit much!

But seriously, I can't believe another year has passed me by. I turned 30 this year and feel a bit not sure if I should be proud with what I have to show for it to date. I know I shouldn't but I look around at the Lindsay Lohan's, Posh & Becks, TomKat's of the world and feel I may have pulled the short straw a bit, like I'm the drop kick second cousin twice removed that life never bothers to invite to anything. And then I think of all those so much less fortunate than myself, those that do not know where their next meal is coming from or whether the roof over their head will still be there in the morning and I feel so shitty, so shallow and mostly just so WESTERN! I feel guilty at my desire for all the superficial things in life when the bare basics are not even available to many in the world. Which makes me wonder, given what you have, how do you know if you are living your life to the fullest and should actually be happy with your lot? Especially with all the talk of just how short life is.

Earlier today I was reading an article on Edie Sedgwick, a society heiress that was to Andy Warhol and Bob Dylan a muse who defined the look and excesses of the 60's (Sienna Miller has just depicted her in the movie "Factory Girl"). Anyway, there was a rather interesting comment on her grandfather, Henry Dwight "Babbo" Sedgwick that really appealed to me. It said although he wrote about 30 books, mostly biographical and history, his real career was his life and he once closed a letter with "Squeeze the flask of life to the dregs"; you go Babbo! The article goes on to say that Edie had a range of emotional issues, was in and out of psychiatric units throughout her life (as was many of her family it seems), had a drug problem and died at the very young age of 28 by what a coroner recorded as an accidental death/suicide. From what I read and what people had to say about her, Edie had a rather tumultuous and privileged life filled with a myriad of events. But what I wonder is; did she have a better life than someone who lives to 80, has a nice and safe office job, 2.5 kids and a white picket fence?

How much is too much or vice versa and how do we recognize the signals before it is too late?

Me personally, I have never been one to 'just do it' and suffer the consequences later...but I do often wonder if somehow I might have missed out by having that attitude. If having an awesome life is all about the experiences that you have, aren't us shore-huggers being cheated a bit? I remember watching "About Schmidt" and being absolutely appalled that someone can suddenly wake up in their 60's and realize that their lives have been lived and they didn't even notice. Although the movie was fictional, I totally believe that there are people out there who live that exact life and it scares me shitless that one day it might be me. Is this what drives so many of us to do so many crazy things, are we simply 'living our lives to the fullest'?

So where is the middle ground? How much happiness do we get from the choices we make such as career, life partner etc compared to those that are made for us such as parents, nationality etc?

'Be careful what you wish for, lest it come true' and yet still we wish. Even though many of us see the results of choices others have made, we do not heed the warnings but continue full steam ahead lest we miss out on the ever-elusive 'happy life'. We have ALL heard that fame is a heavy burden to bear; yet millions of people every day do what they can to be famous!

I think I know what would make me happy, but would it? Probably bloody not! Even though I would be gorgeously slim, amazingly successful and stunningly dressed...I am sure the elusive happiness would still be...elusive. Ah, that's right...because happiness comes from within.

But could I just have a small taste of the life I might be missing out on just in case.....?

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